Today was a particularly weird day. Was I feeling down? I’m not sure, but I can definitely say I wasn’t feeling happy. It’s the first week of school and the course work is piling up. It’s been four days and I’m already drowning in coursework. After coming back to my apartment after my morning class, I wasted away my time lying in bed just thinking about how scared I am.
I’m scared of all that I don’t know for my classes and my future career.
I’m scared of all the information I’ll have to thoroughly stuff into my brain to stay ahead, stay on top, and just stay level with everyone else so I can make myself somewhat of a decent future.
I’m scared that I’ll never be good enough or smart enough.
Most of college education and the computers career field is self-taught. It’s every man or woman for themselves. I knew this from the beginning after freshman year so I don’t know why I still have this false hope that the world will try to make things a little easier for me. Life isn’t easy, I learned that many times, but I’m still wishing for something, anything that will let me know that everything’s going to be fine.
But when will things be fine? How will they be fine?
People around me are suffering. The college education is coming to an end, leaving many of my classmates with nothing but fear on what to do next. People are running around trying to find a job in 60 days so that they can make a living in this country. Others don’t have the GPA to even qualify for a job even though they have the passion and the drive to learn and succeed. For those who can qualify to get a job, it’s just cut throat competitive. There’s no break, no time to breathe, to time to just exist without fear.
How will things be fine? When will things be fine?
After slouching the day away in bed and fighting off a God awful headache (thank you sinuses), I found out that Six of Crows and the Shadow and Bone series is going to be turned into a Netflix show.
Something sparked in me, I woke up.
Here’s this amazing author, Leigh Bardugo, who fought for her dreams, fought to build a whole new world within this not so great world that’s so uniquely diverse, amazing, unpredictable, and yet so incredibly horrible and frightening. She built a world in which people fight, fight, fight, and persevere no matter if it’s death their facing or their fears.
Yet here I am sprawled across my bed. So why can’t I do that?
Fiction holds great beauty in that sometimes, the truth and power of will is so blatantly obvious that we fly right past it. Fiction teaches us lessons that we don’t even know we need to help us take whatever our form of our impossible is and make it possible.
So I got out of bed, screamed on Instagram on how happy I am that Netflix is doing good in the world, and just took a breath.
I did absolutely nothing for the rest of the day and spent time with my good friend. I consumed carbohydrates, hot sauce, got myself a book, and spent some quality time gushing about the things the two of us love the most.
I took that fresh breath of air that I was so badly missing.
I’ve got this.
I’ll stay up late into the night and wake up early into the morning to study. I’ll run off the steam at the gym and stay healthy. I’ll do what I love and read, read, and read.
I am going to stop waiting for things to be fine. Instead I’ll fight, fight, fight, and persevere.
I’m going to Inej the Ghafa out of it.