Happy first post of 2023! The last week of 2022 and the first week of 2023 have been nothing short of interesting. Exhausting yes, but interesting. I have an entire 2022 recap post scheduled for tomorrow so I won’t go into details on my holiday season but feel free to fill me in on yours in the comments!
I kicked off 2023 with a bang. Before driving back home to my apartment from my family home, I went and picked up a ton of hair products because I wanted to start off 2023 with skincare, haircare, and just general self-care in mind. I’m not one to invest in face masks, special moisturizers, cleansers, or hair products but I really wanted to enter the New Year trying to incorporate habits that’ll boost my self-confidence.
Ironically, that mindset took a deep dive just hours later when I went to the salon to get my dead ends cut off. The hairdresser cut off all of my waist long hair until it barely touches the tops of my shoulders. Okay, I’m exaggerating a bit, it’s a little longer when it’s straightened but when I let it air dry, my hair shrinks to the tops of my shoulders. Going from my hair getting caught on the backs of chairs to barely feeling it at all in a matter of minutes was devastating. I had not asked for all of my hair to be cut off and the lady didn’t check in with me before cutting off probably half a foot of my hair. I can guarantee you that my hair was not that dead.
It was awful, coming home to my quiet house and just crying the night away. I know hair grows back and that there are far worse things happening in the world, trust me, I know. But it felt like the last straw of a mountain of stress inducing things that have happened and been building up the past few weeks. I went into the salon expecting a night of self-care and ended up walking out with an identity crisis.
That night, I realized how much confidence and security I got from my hair. Growing up as a plus sized woman, I get many unsolicited comments about my appearance. My hair was the only thing I had that people never complained about. It was the one thing I was proud of and found beauty in. It’s a pretty sad thought, but I realized that my hair was one, if not, the only thing I truly loved about myself.
Which is why in 2023, I’m determined to really explore self-love, not just self-care. I feel like the way I use self-care might sometimes be a bandaid for what I really need which is self-love.
The days following my unwanted hair cut also weren’t the greatest. I booked a trip to see a friend and travel which fell through in a matter of 48 hours. This was devastating because when I booked that trip, it was after the hair cut and my first day back at work and I was feeling all kind of panic, stress, and anxiety and I wanted to address it in the most Sagittarius way and run lol. I also was going to a book signing and that fell through as well. After that, I had a night terror type of thing, flew out of my bed and banged my knee on my bed’s metal frame, the ground, or both and somehow managed to fall even further and take my desk chair down with me before I regained consciousness in my living room. That was fun to explain at the urgent care.
My friend and I were talking about perspective shifts and at times, it feels like toxic positivity, having to constantly convince myself that I’m fine, everything will be fine, and well… that it’s fine. But I kind of have to because unfortunately, life’s going to continue getting spicy with me, and I need to be allowed to feel my feelings, cry about it, talk it out with a friend, but to heal and move onto the next thing.
I’m not traveling or going anywhere, which means that I can spend the next weekend doing nothing but deep rest.
My knee hurt really bad but I also have a wicked story to add to my unending list of things that make people laugh as I cringe in embarrassment or pain, this time both.
I lost my hair which means I get to play with it. It’s far less high maintenance now which means I can make more time for other things. It’s also forcing me to address an issue that I didn’t realize I have.
And cumulatively, all this has thought me to journal more, to ask “okay, what next” and “why do you feel this way?” and also, “it’s okay, your feelings are valid.”
This was an interesting show. I don’t watch much documentaries on Netflix about Indian crime. The two I’ve watched where not exactly high production docuseries that felt rushed and repetitive. This definitely had a higher production value and I learned a lot about things that I didn’t know growing up. I wish we got a bit more into the current police procedures when it comes to encounters at the end but for what the show attempted to do, I think it succeeded.
I watched this on a Patreon liveshow with Gavin from INSERT and I had such a great time! It honestly was a movie I needed to watch. It was fun, cozy, and entertaining. I can’t wait to watch the second one. Daniel Craig’s southern accent just got to me lol. I got the twist/ending 50% right but I wish I was a 100% right because it would have made the already amazing twist even better lol.
Honestly, I haven’t even started my rewatch of this show chronologically. My family had it on around season 6 when I came home and I’ve just been watching it ever since. I honestly don’t have the emotional, spiritual, or physical bandwidth to watch anything longer than 20 minutes or anything that’s not as mindless as this show.
This was my first book of the year and it was kind of a disappointing one. It was easy going and fun to read if you’re just planning to read something but I really did not like certain people in this friend group and how casually certain things were brushed off. Review to come.
This book has still not left my mind and I still don’t know how to describe it. I think the blurb “A wonderful literary gothic tale” fits it best but at the same. time is underselling the art behind this book. I love how slow, dark, and eerie the story was and how the author slowly unravelled it. Major trigger warnings for rape, loss of child, self-harm/cutting, and sexual abuse.
What have you read, watched, or listened to recently?
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